London for ever - 25

We cut off Leicester Square  and, through a maze of lanes, we hit the Trafalgar Square. We stopped at the center of the huge square, sitting on the edge of an imposing square fountain, whose tall, wide bushes at moments tickled the mouths of the four mighty stone lions that majestic delimited it at its four corners.

 The sky was cloudy and the warm sunshine dominated the great shining and cheerful square that day, as I had never seen before. Along the benches, arranged at regular intervals throughout its perimeter, some retirees were lovingly launched to hungry doves, crumbling bread crumbs or corn seeds, these bought in small bags, directly on the spot, by some street vendors.

In the sun, the many badges that Nancy, as I had found was named the pretty Irish girl, shone on the faces of his black leather jacket. In addition to the rose he had bought shortly before, there was one that depicted a sort of american-style jolly with a red tongue out; Others reported slogans of youthful movements that were in their favor. One in particular,  struck me more than any other, because it depicted a green leaflet asking for "legalize marijuana".

"Do you like to smoke?" He asked me, looking me half-eyed.

 To my assenting  answer she gave me a joint already  packed! It had a truncated-conical appearance, tapered and solid, close to the base, wider on top; it had been packaged with three cigarette papers; The base was closed by a cardboard filter; At the top it had been folded inside to prevent the contents from falling out ; His manufacturer, whoever he was, had been very skilled.

- "What is it?" I asked, smelling it.
- "It's a black Pakistani ", he replied prompting his lighter. - "It comes from Kashmir,  advanced from a party last night. It's very good, smoke it quietly! "

With a burst  of laughs I realized she was right. Smoked in  the morning, furthermore!

- "You have more badges than   the shop!" I said laughing, passing over the joint and continuing to look at his pins. - "And what is this ?! I immediately added, intrigued by a banal white brooch on which a German-language spelling out I had not even noticed before. There was  written: "Das Mütterrecht".

"Let me think about it," she said, concentrating on a complex response. - "It is the opposite of patriarchy." And she smiled, aware and amused by her strange explanation.
She continued after a further moment of reflection: - "Patriarchy is our social order, centered on the father's figure, while in the  Matriarchy the mother is the predominant social figure. 'Das Muterrecht' is to indicate a social and legal system that governed the life organized before the classics of Greece. We do not know exactly when, but before the gods we know establish their power in the world, there was another authority and another law: the natural rules  of life. This is in short the Matriarchate. "

She paused as if to realize whether I was following her speech or perhaps to give me a way to interact.

.- "Go ahead," I said, passing the joint again, "I'm following you with great interest."

25. to be continued...

The stabbing scream

You charge me for brainwashing

for pressing you down;

may be is right

who says the fault

is giving the life

though I  thank God for living!

But that stabbing scream

pierced my soul

from the darkness

of your strenuous girlhood.

The street's traders

“Go street-trader go

No one can teach you

How to live

Go, chaser of freedom

Temper of marble

Go, Go, street-lover

On the streets of the world

You’ll hit on your dreams”.

5 Things Parents Shouldn’t Let Their Kids Do

Wondering if your parenting is on the right track? While not all parenting strategies will work for all parents, there are definitely some things that all parents should think twice about before letting their children do.



Think twice before letting your child:



1.Break the rules. Do you let your 12-year-old order off the kid’s menu even if it says it for children under 10? What about Facebook? Does your preteen have an account with Facebook even though their terms of use say he shouldn’t? When you let your children break these types of rules, you’re sending the message that the rules that apply to everyone else do not apply to them. Children who grow up thinking they are above the rules may grow up with an indifference to authority and perhaps even a blatant disrespect for it.

2.Get away with bad behavior. Find it hard to hold back the giggles when your toddler drops the F-bomb? Too tired to consistently enforce behavioral rules? Will you let your child do almost anything as long as you get five minutes of peace and quiet? When you let your child get away with bad behavior you’re reinforcing that the behavior is acceptable, especially if he knows you notice it. Behavior’s that are cute now won’t necessarily be cute when your little one grows up.

3.Be rude to others. While you may not think it’s a big deal if your child constantly interrupts you while you’re on the phone or refuses to look someone in the eye when they’re speaking, it is. This lack of manners, otherwise called social skills, will impact how your growing child will get along with others as an adolescent and adult. They are absolutely necessary skill to have to do well in school, work and life in general.

4.Think you’re their friend. When it comes to the parent and child relationship, you shouldn’t be your child’s friend, or let her think that you are. Friends are confidants and those who have similar ideas and outlooks on life. Parents shouldn’t confide in their children as children aren’t emotionally able to handle playing the role of confidant. Plus, children and parents often see things differently, like when it’s time to go home from the playground. Setting limits and guiding behavior is an important and functional part of parenting.

5.Develop a sense of entitlement. Children who have a sense of entitlement feel that everyone owes them everything. They tend to be selfish and think whenever something doesn’t go their way it’s not fair. As they grow up, these children expect people to do what they say and get what they want when they say it and when they want it. If this distorted sense isn’t corrected, it can be problematic in the children’s relationships and interactions with others. To deflate this sense of entitlement, parents can teach their children the value of hard work and giving back to others and by setting limits on what they give their kids.

While there are many things you can and should do as parents, these are some of the things you shouldn’t. If you keep your kids from doing these five things, you’re definitely heading down the right parenting path.

P-S. This post is published under the appointment and the authorisation of Barbara Williams. If you want to know about the subject please click on the link below:

http://www.findababysitter.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/rules.jpg

10 Appropriate Morning Time Choices for Children

In many families, mornings are easily the most stressful part of the day. Between trying to get yourself up and ready, to packing lunches and getting the kids off to school or daycare, mornings can be full of chaos. While it’s natural to ask open ended questions, like “What do you want to wear today?” giving children appropriate choices can help reduce stress, create a calmer environment, and set your children up to deliver the answers you’re hoping to hear.

When formulating morning questions, it’s essential that you think about what choices you consider appropriate. If you ask your child “What do you want for breakfast?” and he says “chocolate cake” you’re likely not going to oblige, which can trigger a morning meltdown. If you know that cereal or oatmeal are two choices you are willing and able to offer, formulate your question to reflect those choices. However, if bacon and eggs aren’t something you’re really interested in preparing, don’t provide that as a viable choice.

Another morning trap parents fall into is asking questions that start with “Do you want” or “Are you ready”. When you’re only really willing to accept “yes” for an answer, yet you provide an opportunity for your child to say “no”, you’re setting him up for making an unacceptable choice. When you’re heading out the door and you ask your child “Are you ready to go?” you’re expecting him to say “yes”. When he says “no” and you’re not able to respect his choice, you’re sending the message that his thoughts and feelings simply don’t matter.

While the exact choices you offer will depend on the age of your child and what you consider appropriate, it’s important to only offer two or three choices, and that those choices are ones you can live with.

Here are 10 of the most common questions parents ask their children each morning and 10 revised questions that reflect acceptable choices.

Instead of asking: Do you want to take a bath?

Ask: Do you want to take a bath in your tub or in mine?

Instead of asking: What do you want for breakfast?

Ask: Would you like to have eggs with cheese or without for breakfast? 

Instead of asking: What do you want to wear?

Ask: Do you want to wear this red shirt with the blue jeans or this green one?

Instead of asking: Are you ready to get dressed?

Ask: Would you like to put your shirt on first or your pants?

Instead of asking: Are you ready to brush your teeth?

Ask: Do you want to brush your teeth or do you want me to do it for you?

Instead of asking: What do you want me to pack you for lunch?

Ask: Do you want a ham and cheese or turkey and cheese sandwich for lunch?

Instead of asking: Do you want a jacket?

Ask: Would you like to wear your fleece jacket or pullover?

Instead of asking: Do you want your rain boots?

Ask: Do you want to pack your sneakers or shoes to change into?

Instead of asking: Can I brush your hair now?
Ask: Do you want me to use a comb or a brush to do your hair?

Instead of asking: Are you ready to go?

Ask: Do you want to carry your back pack or lunchbox to the car?

In addition to minimizing morning battles, giving children choices has other positive implications as well.

Giving children acceptable choices helps them feel like they’re in control. Every individual likes to feel in control of their life. When parents allow their children to make choices, they are empowering them to feel in control, fostering their desire to be independent, and teaching them responsibility in a safe and controlled environment.

Giving children acceptable choices increase self-esteem. Being able to make good choices makes kids feel good! As children learn new skills and learn do to things independently, their self-esteem grows.

Giving children acceptable choices teaches them how to make wise choices. By allowing children to make meaningful choices from a young age parents equip them to make good choices as they grow older.

While it may be tempting to simply tell a child to do something, rather than ask them, learning to make choices is an important part of early childhood development. In fact, whether children are asked to make choices or not, it’s something they do anyways. Children choose to follow the rules, obey their parents, and decide whether or not they wish to be cooperative. Parents can empower children to learn to make appropriate choices and to accept responsibilities for the choices they make.

P.S. This post was  proposed to me for publication by Hannah Anderson. I'm therefore publishing it by her invitation and under her permission. See also the link below fore more information:  

 

 http://www.fulltimenanny.com/blog/10-appropriate-morning-time-choices-for-children/

 

How to Stop Siblings From Fighting

Sibling fighting, while inevitable, can turn your household into what feels like a war zone. Your children bickering, teasing, poking, and all around annoying each other can seem like an endless stress cycle. There are, however, some ways that you can lessen sibling fighting and create a more peaceful, cooperative environment.
Set strong, clear boundaries for acceptable behavior and stick to them. Sibling fighting is one of those challenging behaviors that can quickly wear you down, so it’s hard to stick to your guns about what behavior is okay and what is not. But when it comes to getting to better behavior, consistency is the key.
A family meeting is the perfect opportunity to get everyone together and set the ground rules for how family members should treat each other. Everyone, both children and adults, should have a say in the rules. When your children are part of creating the rules they’re much more likely to follow them. Talk about what respectful language looks like, what type of touching is welcomed (e.g. hugging, tickling) and what type is not allowed (e.g. hitting, poking), and how they’re going to solve disputes. When the rules have been agreed on by everyone, outline what will happen if those rules aren’t followed. Then write them down and include visual cues to help kids remember.
Teach your children problem solving skills. Giving your kids the tools they need to solve their own problems will really pay off in the home environment. Children fight most often when they don’t feel they have better options. They get angry, frustrated, impatient, or hurt and they lash out. When you give your children the tools to talk about how they feel, to think about how others think and feel about a situation, and to come up with solutions that work for everyone involved, you’re giving them the power to stop fighting and start cooperating.
Help your children understand the different perspectives of their siblings. Children think everyone sees things the same way they do. They need help understanding that others often see and feel things very differently. What’s funny to one child may feel like hurtful bullying to his brother. What’s no big deal to one child may be a huge deal to his sister. What seems like a logical solution to one child may seem completely unfair to her sister. Help children express how they feel to their siblings in respectful language (e.g. “It hurts my feelings when you say I’m a klutz”, “I don’t want to share my new game with you because it’s my favorite toy and I’m afraid you’ll break it”). Help children process what’s been shared with them and encourage them to try and see things from the other perspective (e.g. “Can you think of a time when someone called you a name and, instead of it being funny, it hurt your feelings?”, “Can you imagine how hard it would be for you to share your favorite game if you were afraid it would get broken and you wouldn’t be able to play with it anymore?”). Seeing things through another person’s eyes builds empathy and increases sensitivity to what others feel and need. That’s a great way to help siblings stop fighting and start supporting each other.
Don’t take sides. Finding ways to solve the problem, not assigning blame, is the best way to move past an issue. When you try and figure out who did what and who did it first you get stuck in the past. When you start from where you are and work on ways to move forward, you take charge of the future. You rarely have all of the information to know who’s really at fault anyway. You may see your middle child push your older child as they walk into the room but it may be in response to something the older child did in the other room. Only they know the full story and they each see it through their own eyes.
Focus on what you want them to do instead of what you don’t want them to do. It’s easy to talk about what you don’t want: don’t hit, don’t push, don’t hog the TV, don’t grab his toys, don’t tease. It’s harder, but so much more productive, to talk about what you do want: use your words instead of your hands, decide together on a TV program, ask when you want a turn with a toy, talk respectfully. Not only does positive language change the overall tone of a situation, it teaches children to focus on what they’re doing right instead of what they’re doing wrong. Kids who feel good about themselves are much more likely to follow rules and treat others kindly and fairly.
Sibling fighting is typical and can’t be avoided completely. However you can get to a place where your children get along more often than they fight, and where they truly enjoy being around each other.

P. .S. This post was  proposed to me for publication by Anne Laurie . I'm therefore publishing it by her invitation and under her permission.

 http://www.gonannies.com/blog/2012/08/15/how-to-stop-siblings-from-fighting/

10 Ways to Teach Kids to Manage Their Money

Being able to handle money wisely is the greatest gift you can give your kids.  Struggling with money is stressful and unnecessary if you create the foundation for smart spending and saving.  Here are 10 ways to teach kids how to manage their money and to help instill your money values in them.

1. Pay yourself first.  Decide with your child what percentage of the money he earns or receives that he will get to just spend however he wants.  Be it on candy, bubble gum machines, or toys.  It’s important that he have some money that he feels like he can spend however he chooses.  You can set the rules as to how and when he can spend it, but make sure that he does have some money for fun stuff.
2. Create jars and label where the money is to go.  Take some mason jars or recycled jars and label them with the different places that the money is going to go.  Have jars marked, “Fun Money”, “Long term Savings”, “Short term Savings” and “Charity”.  Feel free to change the names around to fit your goals.  Long-term savings could actually say, “College Fund” and the short-term savings could say, “Cell phone”.  Things like this will allow you and your child to personalize your savings system.  Once you hit a certain amount in your jar you can move it to a bank account.
3. Help your child choose a charity in which to donate.  Giving back to the world is an important lesson that kids need to learn from a young age.  In your case maybe you would like your child to give money to your church in addition to or instead of a charity.  Maybe your kids love animals and would like to donate money to the Humane Society.
4. Set a savings goal for big ticket items.  If your child is constantly asking for a large toy or electronic encourage him to start saving for it.  Print out a small thermometer chart and help him fill in the thermometer as he puts money in the jar.  It will increase the excitement if he feels like he is getting closer to his goal.  You could offer up some extra chores where he could earn some extra money.  You’ll be amazed at how ambitious kids can be if they have the proper motivation.
5. Make sure they have long-term savings.  Talk to your child about going to college or buying their first car.  These items are very expensive and have to be saved for.  Determine what you think the fair amount would be to put into the long term savings jar.  Is it 10 or 20%?
6. Open a savings account for your child.  Take your child to the bank or credit union and help her open her first savings account.  There are online options as well that will allow you to add money to her account electronically so the money is never actually in her hand.  This option is available and you will have to decide whether it’s the right option for you and your child or not.  When opening a savings account you can explain about interest.  Let her know that the bank will pay her for letting them use her money.
7. Help your children realize the difference between a need and a want.  This is an important discussion to have with your kids.  You will hear your kids tell you that they NEED to have the latest jeans or cell phone, but those are wants and not needs.  Help your kids see the difference and then when they come to you and say that they have to have something you can ask if it’s a need or a want.  Wants aren’t a bad thing, but needs should be taken care of first.  For example, he ‘needs’ to put money into savings for his future more than he ‘wants’ to get the latest video game.
8. Create a filing system to keep track of receipts.  Getting your child used to tracking their money is an important habit to get them into.  When they buy something with their money they need to come home and write down the purchase in their spending journal and then put the receipt into a file.  Determine how many files or envelopes you will need.  One way to do it is to create an envelope for each month and then have a big envelope to keep all of the smaller envelopes in.  This method may work better if you have multiple children tracking their spending.  Another way would be to keep the monthly envelopes in a file marked with their name.
9. Demonstrate money saving techniques.  Kids usually go to the grocery store with mom or dad and that is their first experience watching mom spend money.  Show the kids how coupons work and in store discounts.  Explain various tricks you use to save money while grocery shopping.  You may think that your kids won’t need this information for years to come, but it’s important that kids are aware that mom saves money where she can too.
10. Set a good example when it comes to money values.  Keeping your own spending journal and receipt file will set a good example for your kids.  Let your kids know that you are saving for a big item or vacation.  Kids learn by example and it’s easier for them to learn when they know what you are doing.  It’s not so important that your kids know every detail and concern that you have about money, but impress upon them the important stuff.

P.S. This post was  proposed to me for publication by Paul Taylor,  I'm therefore publishing it by his invitation and under his permission. See also the link below fore more information:
 http://www.babysittingjobs.com/blog/10-ways-to-teach-kids-to-manage-their-money/