7 Things Your Nanny Needs to Know About Your Child Custody Terms

In the unfortunate event of a divorce, families and their nannies are forced to acclimate themselves to an entirely new schedule. Adjusting to these changes can be difficult for an established nanny who has been with the family for years, and can be equally as confusing for a newly-hired childcare provider caring for the children of a couple whose divorce is very recent. If you’re divorced and employing a nanny, here are seven of the things you should make sure that your nanny knows about regarding the terms of your custody agreement.

1. Scheduling Basics – Whether your nanny is just coming on board after a divorce or if she’s been working for you since before you separated from your ex, she will need to have a basic idea of your custody and visitation agreement. This especially holds true if she won’t be working during the time your children spend with a non-custodial parent so that she is able to build her own schedule as well.
2. Which Parent They Work For – Some divorced parents will make separate childcare arrangements and others will make them together. When divorced couples share a nanny the arrangements can be complex and require a nanny to provide care at both parents’ homes. As such, your nanny will need to know who her primary employer is and what, if any, instructions they’ll be expected to follow from the other parent.
3. Right of First Refusal Provisions – Provisions that grant non-custodial parents the first chance to care for their children when the other parent is unavailable are called “right of first refusal” provisions, and are relevant to your nanny because it can limit her work if they exist in your custody agreement. These provisions are put in place to allow a non-custodial parent to maximize the time they spend with their children, giving them precedence over a babysitter or nanny. If your nanny’s schedule could potentially be altered due to your ex’s insistence on watching the children when you’re unavailable, she should be informed as soon as possible.
4. The Particulars of Your Parenting Plan – In the majority of divorce cases that involve the custody of dependent children, the parent who has physical custody is also the one charged with making decisions regarding childcare and schools, and often determines what is considered “reasonable” regarding visitation schedules. Your nanny should be aware of which parent makes these decisions and the ways in which they will affect her as spelled out by your parenting plan.
5. About Supervised Visitation – In some unfortunate cases, a non-custodial parent is awarded visitation only under supervision, either by an agreed-upon party or a person designated by the court. Often the result of substance abuse or violence on the part of the non-custodial parent, these situations can be particularly tricky for childcare providers. If your ex-spouse is only allowed access to your children under supervision, your nanny should be informed so that she doesn’t inadvertently facilitate an unsupervised visit.
6. If a Parent Has No Visitation Rights – Should your ex-spouse’s visitation rights be stripped and sole custody awarded to you in your divorce agreement, this information should absolutely be passed along to your nanny. Child Find(R) of America estimates that up to 78% of kidnappings are committed by non-custodial parents; if there’s any chance at all that your ex could be considering the option of abducting their children, your nanny needs to know so that she can be vigilant, both for the well-being of your children and to ensure her own physical safety.
7. Pick-Up and Drop-Off Protocol – Some divorces are more amicable than others, with parents more than capable of comporting themselves in a civil or even friendly manner long enough to arrange drop-offs and pick-ups. Others may find that keeping their temper or bitterness in check, even for a brief period of time, is almost impossible. In these cases, you may opt to arrange for these meetings to be handled by your childcare provider, but she should be well aware of that situation and given the chance to accept the arrangement in advance. You and your ex-spouse should agree, if on nothing else, to keep conversation civil and refrain from making snide comments about one another to the nanny, who is essentially a neutral party despite who signs her paycheck.

Like every marriage, every divorce is different. There will be particular situations applicable only to you and your family and others that are dictated by the laws of your state; regardless you should make sure that your nanny is left as well-informed as possible to prevent any confusion or melodramatic scenes in the future.

P.S. This post was  proposed to me for publication by Lindsay Samuels. I'm therefore publishing it by her invitation and under her permission. See also the link below fore more information:   

http://www.nannybackgroundcheck.com/blog/7-things-your-nanny-needs-to-know-about-your-child-custody-terms/

Pros and Cons of Divorced Parents Sharing a Nanny

Even the most amicable divorce is likely to leave your children feeling confused and disillusioned, especially if that divorce contributes to a shift in economic status or is the driving force behind a move from the home they’ve grown up in. Because a divorce may facilitate the need for a previously stay-at-home parent to return to the workforce, it may also leave parents in need of a full-time childcare provider. Sharing a nanny with your ex certainly has its pros and cons; however there are a few things to consider before making your final childcare decision.
Pros of Sharing a Nanny with Your Ex-Spouse

If your nanny was an established part of your kids’ daily routine before you separated from your ex, then she’s likely to be one of the few remaining bits of stability they can cling to. When so much else has changed in their life, being cared for by the same person that they’ve known and loved since before their family and household dissolved can make the transition easier for some children. Nannies that are able to remain neutral and avoid choosing sides can also prove to be very valuable mediators in times of tension, which are unfortunately quite common, especially in the earliest stages of a divorce.
Maintaining a stable and reliable schedule can be particularly difficult for parents that share joint custody, as children are forced to split their time between two separate homes and adapt to the changing personal schedules of the two separate parents that once functioned as a unit. When Nanny accompanies kids from one home to another, and sees to their needs and well-being just as she always has, the transition from one home to two can be made significantly smoother. Parents can also avoid scheduling confusion regarding picking kids up from and dropping them off at after-school activities, sports practices, or lesson rehearsals by delegating the task to one neutral party. Few things add insult to the existing injury of a divorce in the family like being lost in the shuffle between them and left at school or forgotten at practice, but it can happen when two people are still in the process of ironing out the proverbial kinks in scheduling that accompany joint custody.
Nannies that spend the majority of each day with their charges are also intimately familiar with the comfort objects, favorite toys, and other details that might be forgotten when bags are packed by parents for shuffling between homes. These aren’t as likely to slip Nanny’s mind making them less likely to be forgotten. She can also offer reassurance to kids by being nearby despite the relative unfamiliarity of new homes and neighborhoods. If you’re both forced to move from the home that your children grew up in, your kids may also be separated from the neighborhood playmates that they’ve maintained friendships with for most of their lives, and neither you nor your spouse is likely to have time for ferrying kids between play dates. This is another situation in which your nanny is worth her weight in gold: by making herself available to both you and your ex, she will be able to help your kids stay in touch with the friends that they might otherwise grow apart from.
Finally, sharing the expense of Nanny’s salary may be the only way to make the arrangement financially feasible; a major plus if you’re committed to avoiding center-based daycare.
Cons of Sharing a Nanny with Your Ex

Despite the stability and familiarity that your nanny provides to your children during the tumultuous divorce proceedings and their aftermath, there are a few drawbacks to sharing her with your ex-spouse. The biggest concern is her ability to remain neutral, because she will be in the unique position of either quelling or fanning the flames of continued conflicts by sharing sensitive information that she’s privy to through her regular contact with both parties. This can be particularly damaging if you’re still in the process of finalizing your divorce, especially if it’s a bitter one.
Sharing a live-in nanny could also create the necessity for an additional private bedroom, which may create a financial strain for parents that are already cash-strapped as a result of their divorce. In post-divorce dwellings, on both sides of the fence, space can be at a premium. Still, the days of Nanny sleeping in the same room as her charges are long over; if you intend to retain a live-in nanny, you may both need to provide a private space for her to decompress in and relax away from the demands of her job. Those demands may be exponentially increased when she’s forced to play intermediary between battling divorcees, which also increases her risk of burn out.
Ultimately, the decision to share your nanny with your ex-spouse is one that must be made by the three of you, and with full disclosure by all parties about expectations and responsibilities.
 P.S. This post was  proposed to me for publication by  Maryanne Williams. I'm therefore publishing it by her invitation and under her permission. See also the link below fore more information:

http://www.shareananny.com/blog/pros-and-cons-of-divorced-parents-sharing-a-nanny/

5 Ways Nannies Can Help Divorced Parents

For divorced parents with shared custody, coordinating childcare can become a real dilemma. Where there was once two parents jointly juggling the family, work, and home related responsibilities, after parents divorce each parent is often left to fend for themselves and, as a result, childcare arrangements can become a mere afterthought.
When children of divorced parents need full-time childcare, hiring a nanny can be a feasible childcare choice. In addition to providing personalized and customized childcare, nannies can help divorced parent’s co-parent successfully.
Here are 5 ways how:
Nannies can provide consistency of care. Children whose parents share custody often live between houses, traveling from one parent’s home to the other quite often. In the midst of the transition and ongoing changes nannies can provide consistent care. Nannies can help ensure the children’s schedules and routines are followed in both homes and help parents avoid logistical nightmares of tag teaming drop-offs and pick-ups from daycare. Children feel safe and secure when there is routine and structure in their lives and a nanny can bring those feelings to light by providing consistent, high quality childcare.
Nannies can provide a sense of stability. As everything around a child is changing, a nanny can be a source of stability in a child’s life. When parents are going through a divorce the bond a child has with her nanny may be the most stable and stress-free relationship she has. Nannies can help children cope with divorce by being a safe, secure, familiar, and constant force in their lives. Children thrive when they feel safe and secure.
Nannies can advocate for the children. Nannies can help ensure that the child’s needs are being met first and foremost, regardless of which home she is at. Keeping both parents abreast of any changes in behavior, demeanor, or physical, social, intellectual, and emotional needs can ensure that the child’s needs are clearly articulated. Nannies can also alert the parents if the child seems stressed or displays signs that he is having difficulty coping with the divorce. When a child’s needs are met by both parents, it will reinforce that he is loved.
Nannies can reassure children that it’s not their fault. During a divorce children may bear the unearned burden of responsibility for their parent’s breakup. Having a nanny to reinforce that the child is loved by both parents can help lift this unnecessary and painful emotional burden.
Nannies can facilitate communication. During and after a divorce the emotions are often too raw for parents to have successful and meaningful communication.  While a nanny shouldn’t be in the position of being the go between for non-child centered communication, having a nanny to help facilitate communication regarding the child can ensure a smooth transmission of information. Having a nanny who is able to communicate information about the children to both parents, to transport the children to and from each parent’s home, and to put the children’s schedule into a useable form for all parties to refer to can help ensure important messages are delivered timely and accurately.         
If you’re a divorced parent considering hiring a nanny, it’s important that you select a nanny who is a solid communicator. Having a detailed work agreement and custody schedule that your nanny clearly understands is also vital to setting your nanny up for success.  While turning to your nanny as a confidant can be tempting, resist the urge to blur professional lines. Treating your nanny as a valued professional rather than a friend will empower her to do her job well and to always put the child’s best interests first.

 P.S. This post was  proposed to me for publication by Sandra McAubre,  I'm therefore publishing it by her invitation and under her permission. See also the link below fore more information:

http://www.hireananny.com/blog/5-ways-nannies-can-help-divorced-parents/